8.17.2025 It’s been a while

There will be no summary of the last 5 years. Covid, elections, disasters, shit happens for sure. 7 months ago I ended a long term extremely unhealthy relationship. At some point you have to face reality and ask a question, who are you really? A childhood filled with adult abandonment and neglect (disclaimer my mom did the best she could, my father(S) not so much. Subtle, pervasive and years in the making. The result is an individual more worried about being abandoned and giving of one’s self with no bounderies to keep the peace or more accurately, an individual constantly anxious about potential abandonment. The behaviors associated with this in reflection are pretty aweful. Dealing with those feelings, understanding where they come from and using them to form a better framework for mental stability is my current life focus. Its a journey. I am not ready to be with someone in that sense and I know it. The right person is out there. The work is to ensure that in the future I am the best possible partner for that someone. I am still baking. I bake on my terms. I used to think I needed to be something or someone I wasnt. I dont need to be a micro bakery to be happy. baking for my friends and 2 clients fills my soul. My daughters are my primary focus and thats what I needed to see. I will be there for them, be strong for them, and help them lead healthy happy and productive futures where they dont have to depend on someone else. Yesterday i took the first step and setting healthy boundaries with my ex wife related to my daughters and decions related to going to school after HS. Far too long I have sat passively and allowed things to happen that I then am uspet about but did nothing to manage or prevent. LIfe has taken a turn and I am actually excited to see where it goes. I am optimistic about continuing this blog. even if no one reads it. PB&J